It's been a hectic day. Going to sleep at 4:00 AM and waking up at 11:45 AM didn't allow for much sleep, but I can't help it. Anyway, today has been the first real day of job hunting. Today, alone, I put my resume at Radio Shack, application at Office Max, and went to the Texas Workforce Commission to look for jobs. I got one good lead at the hospital for a Material Clerk, which I am going to turn in tomorrow since it was too late today. I also got the phone number for the college, who I will try and call tomorrow.

However, tomorrow won't be an easy day, either. I have to be at the Clarksville MHMR tomorrow morning at 9:30 AM just to have another screening, but perhaps I can talk to a doctor or something about this desyrel/trazedone stuff. I just hope they'll listen. For once, I'm not wanting medications to "feel good" on or whatever, I want medications to help me through life and make things a bit easier. Hopefully my Dr. will understand this, because I will be quite truthful with him... Well, that is if I can see him tomorrow.

So anyway, I'm praying something good will come out of all of this. I'm honestly trying as hard as I can, and I don't want to lose our house. Maybe it was my mistake of quitting in the first place? Oh well, doesn't matter now, that's the past and now we're looking at the future. So, that's all for now. I hope you enjoyed reading this blog as much as I enjoyed writing it. Love to all!

It's been a crazy week, weather wise. Hot one day, cold the next. Rain every other day. High winds some days, calm others. Fall weather, got to love it. Yesterday, it was very windy, but I made sure to get some leaf blowing in, finally. I haven't been able to really use it since buying it, so I just said screw it and did some of Anna's yard.

The MHMR is really kindof upsetting me. They have been in such disorder since I came in that it's not even funny. They gave me trazedone, a pill I don't like, under the brand name Desyrel, which I was unfamiliar with since I'm a cheap-o and only buy generics. I've told nurse after nurse and caseworker after caseworker that I don't want it and will not take it. They gave me a sample bottle of 30, which I will not take because it makes me all funny-headed the next day. I have an appointment next week, maybe I can straighten things out then, if only I can actually see a doctor.

Well, if I don't blog again by Thanksgiving, I hope everybody has a good one. I'll see you all later!

What a week. Monday, I'm in Terrell, Friday, I'm out. Not by Dr.'s orders, of course. I got out because of the judge, who put me in outpatient rather than inpatient. I feel like this is the best thing for me, since Terrell was nothing of a help to me. Just a place to get medication is all it was, but I can do that in outpatient as well. All I can say is that it's good to be free. The Dr.'s seem to think I'm a serious threat to myself and others, but they know nothing. I wouldn't do anything to hurt myself or anybody else, and any close friend or relative can vouche for that. Silly Dr.'s have too much time on their hands. Well, anyway, I'm feeling better, just knowing that I'm free. I wish in maybe one way or another that I was still there, though, just to help other people along and talk to them.

Well, anyway, I'm out for today. I hope you can all can stay more sane than I can, heh.

Well, I hope everybody's had a happy Halloween! Mine was kinda crappy, since we couldn't afford candy for the trick-or-treater's, not to mention I had to work that day, but oh well.

Oh, and did I mention that I've quit TCIM? Yep, I've finally severed that tie, hopefully we won't be seeing each other again for a long time (except to pick up my last paycheck, of course). So, anyway, I've been on the job hunt lately with some very professional looking résumé and cover sheets, all nicely tucked away in their own individual folders. Unfortunately, today I was only able to drop one off at the bank here in Detroit. I didn't know thalobbies's shut down at 3:00 PM, and all of my other résumés were for banks, so I'll just have to go before 3:00 PM tomorrow. It was nice talking to the manager, though. He said in his opinion that I was overqualified for a position with them, but unfortunately they're not hiring at the moment. So, I finished my job hunt by going to the other places I applied and checking on the status of the application, but unfortunately there was no luck. Hopefully by the end of the week I'll have a better job.

On a positive note, I've felt better today. Maybe it's just because I'm not thinking about TCIM all the time anymore. Plus, I'll finally be able to really use my leaf blower tomorrow unless it rains, so yay! Kim, however, isn't doing so well; she's getting another ear infection and I think the stress of our lack of money is finally starting to get to her.

And finally, I've started to learn the DVORAK keyboard layout; it's confusing as crap, but hey, it's designed for speed, not to slow you down like QWERTY is. After I learn it, maybe I can break 100 WPM, that would be sweet.

Site of the day: http://www.opera.com/, a browser that looks nicer and is much faster than Internet Explorer, especially with a web filter. Check it out!

Hello, World! Life sucks, doesn't it? Well, nah, can't complain too much, we all have our ups and downs, although it's been a lot of down lately. When you're at the bottom, though, there's nowhere to go but up! I wish I could actually believe everything I say all the time, because you know when you feel bad, you don't always feel like that. Don't get me wrong; I don't feed great, nor do I feel terrible. I'm at that horribly boring in-the-middle area lately, which is a great advance from my past week. So what if I don't have money? I have a job, and I have food. The bills aren't all paid, and they won't for a while, not unless I stick to the budget that I've been working out. This budget even includes getting a savings account, that way if it's not in my pocket, I won't want to spend it, because I'm too lazy to go to the bank. :P I remember my first savings account with Jennifer. It was a good feeling, because I felt older, I guess you could say, to have this savings account, AND a checking account. It wasn't all fun after some auto-withdrawals pushed me over the limit, and now, I have that debt to pay back, but you better believe me I will! Having this house has done wonders to me and my take on bills and life... I never knew I liked gardening or yard work, but it's actually nice when it's you're own yard, not your parents. It's a little late in the season to really do what I want to, but I'm still having fun with it nonetheless. I actually saw a really nice leafblower/vacuum/mulcher at Wal-Mart for about $70 that I'm looking at getting as a birthday present to myself, since nobody else seems to have remembered it. I figured my dad would have at least sent me a card, and it should be hard for him to forget my birthday, since they're so close together. Don't you just love scorpio's?

Hey, let's see what my horoscope is at http://horoscopes.astrology.com/:
If there's no love in your life, draw strength from the memory of a happier time. Prospective home-buyers consider looking into a new neighborhood. Don't let hunger or thirst blind you to what's healthy.

Don't horoscopes always have a funny way of seeming true? It's hard to tell if they really are sometimes true, or just say something that almost anybody could be going through... Oh well, not much to think about, really.

Anyway, it's not like my birthday sucked. Anna gave me $20 to go to China Star, which is one of my all-time favorite restaurants, however I always seem to leave there miserable because I ate too much. Kim and I went there, spending $19.70. Kim secretly talked to the waiter there while I was getting my plate of food about singing happy birthday to me. Let's just say that was the craziest experience I've ever had. Have you ever seen the movie A Christmas Story, where they go to the Chinese restaurant for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, whatever it was? Remember how the Chinese people sang? That's how they sang to me, except the song was right until they said my name. It came out like "jehr-uh-my," and when they said it, I started to feel a little weird, and looked at Kim, who sure enough was thinking the same thing.

Well, anyways, with the addition of the leaf blower, I have my eyes on one other thing, something nobody probably knew I wanted; I myself didn't know I wanted it until I saw it. A Sonicare toothbrush, costing $108. Kim said she'd go in with me half and half to buy it, and I can't wait to have it so I can clean these freaking nasty teeth. Speaking of health, though, I still need my contacts. These glasses suck and I can't stand it.

Well, I guess that's all for now... Stay tuned for the next edition of BlkFury's Life!

It's not been a good week. First of all, Tuesday, Kim's back was still hurting, so she called me at work to pick her up to take her to the minor care clinic at St. Joseph North. Lisa, that idiot supervisor of mine, was rude with her on the phone, then the message that she gave to me was rude. Oh well, nothing I can do about it. So anyway, after I get her to the hospital, the car won't start! The fact that it is sitting on a hospital parking lot isn't good; they'll tow it away. So, after the next day, we call a tow truck to tow it to our house for $30! I also had to fill a prescription for her that cost $38. So then, I have to start driving Mom's old car. When I crank it up, it's sitting on empty, so of course, I have to put gas in it. I've already put $20 into that car because it doesn't get near the gas mileage that our car does. I've had to pull all this money out of rent, so now, on the next paycheck, I'm going to have to pay all of rent, whatever Kim can't pay in electricity, and whatever other bills that come in at the first of the month. Oh yeah... Our refrigerator also died. Half of our food went bad. Mom was supposed to get a washer and dryer for a late wedding present for us, but she's been in the hospital, and now is out of money, so that won't be happening. We have to keep mooching off of Anna, and I feel really bad for it. Kim is also making less money now because Anna can't keep up with her and her own work at the same time. Not to mention last week I only got about 20ish hours, so this is going to be a short paycheck. She's only made about $23 this whole week, and electricity is due, which is about $60, leaving me with the $40 dollars balance remaining. *sigh*

Well, it's a change in time tonight, so that gives me an extra hour of sleep, so that'll be kinda cool. Oh yeah, I've added my Yahoo! Calendar. It's at http://calendar.yahoo.com/jfox1980, check it out.

Welp, see you people later!

Is my frequent blogging better as of late? I hope at least a few people actually read this, as I know some of you do. So, let's talk about today. I talked to Roy, the computer guy at work that I mentioned that last blog is supposed to come pick me up tomorrow to take me golfing (first time, yay, but I know I'll suck), and a 6 pack, and some Linux installation fun.

It seems my last rip, if you remember, of Dreamcatcher, which was so inconveniently cancelled by Michael, so I started it up again today. It'll all be groovy when it's finished. I can't wait to have a 2 CD rip; only the select few movies worth it get the privilege of being on 2 CDs.

Yeah, today sucked, they always do (just kidding). Today was actually pretty nice, but I'm tired of TCIM's crap about one person saying one thing, and another saying another thing. Disorganization will be the death of that place, I'm sure. Well, something else kinda cool has come up. Mike (from TCIM a long time back, I'm sure some of you might remember him), just broke up with his last girlfriend to get with Stephanie, who is my next door neighbor. They look really happy together, and I wish them the best, I just hope they don't have to do through the things I've been through.

Still, I'm under some kind of stress... I wish I could explain it, or even talk to a doctor, but I'm too poor, and can't afford new bills. A simple script for valium or xanax would do fine, I think that would help at work much more than anything else. I don't want stimulants anymore, because I can't stand how ritalin and whatnot makes me feel after like 3 hours, I'd rather just feel less stress with the addition of being more tired or whatever, just for the shortterm, of course. I wouldn't dare get on a script longer than 6 months again, I can't stand looking at myself as a person who needs pills.

Maggie also just had puppies today, 6 to be exact. 1 of them is white. 3 males, 3 females. It's going to be fun to watch these puppies grow up.

Not much left to say, so I'll just catch all of you later! Have a good one, people!

I got my first write-up at work yesterday. In so little time, too. Just because I called in when I was really sick. Man I can't stand that. Plus, the supervisor that wrote me up wouldn't even listen to me. While I was talking to her, she just got up and walked off. I can't stand it. She'll get what she deserves someday, I know I've sure gotten mine lately.

I went to C-Tech today, too. It doesn't look like they've started yet, but it looks like there will be business there. The guy said I needed to bring in a resume, which I'm going to print out today and probably bring back in tomorrow if I get another hour lunch.

Let's see, what else... A new friend of mine who I was in training with is coming by my house on Saturday, so I can go by his house and talk computers with him. He seems to know quite a bit, more than most other people I know, and he doesn't put on a front about how much he knows. I'm sure we'll hit it off pretty well.

I guess that's about it, all and all. Have a good day, everyone.

I was absent today at work. I know, I know, I didn't want to miss. I tried my hardest to go, but let me explain things first. I woke up yesterday at 8:30 AM, which is about an hour earlier than I normally wake up to go to work. Kim went to Anna's for the transcriptioning thing and I went to Wal-Mart to get some things. I found a rake for only $3.97, so I bought it, since I'm such a yardwork freak lately. I also got some envelopes for myself, envelopes for Anna, and a 12 pack of Diet Dr. Peppers for Anna (only $2.50, can't beat that). Got home and was pretty much semi-busy all day long. Michael also rented Dreamcatcher, which I have been dying to see since I read the book. Let's say the book is much better than the movie, but the movie was good too. Only a couple of things were changed, but all-in-all it was nice. As a matter of fact, I'm ripping it right now. We also raked the back yard, and man, lets say there was a bunch of leaves, especially in the corners of the fence. The leaves were so thick that I think that's the reason why the grass wasn't growing. Well, anyway, I'm trailing off here. The reason I didn't go to work is I didn't sleep ANY last night. I tossed and turned and I felt clammy all night. I couldn't sleep a wink. I was still planning on going to work, but however, at 7:00 I could barely keep my eyes open. If you know me, I'm not too good at staying awake while driving after I haven't slept in a long time. Kim insisted that I stay home, so I did. I couldn't find the 800 number to the call-in line at TCIM, so I had to call in at the last minute. I'd rather have called in sooner, but it just wasn't possible. Well, around 8:15 or so, I finally fell asleep, but I woke up at 12:00 noon so I would be able to fall asleep tonight. So yeah, I'm still pretty tired. I don't feel too good either; I'm still clammy and I have cold sweats every now and then, plus my appetite is shot. I feel really bad that I didn't go to work today, but this is one of the few honest days that I just really wasn't able to. Maybe I'll get lucky and they won't write me up. As far as I know, I won't miss any more days, plus we really need the money, and a whole day is a pretty big blow to the finances, but I'll try and cut the 8 hours down a bit by clocking in early and clocking out late throughout the week.

I don't think there's much else... I guess that nice fat paragraph will just have to do for today. :)

Well, I made $487 this check. Not too shabby, but I'm still mega-behind in bills. I still owe $12 to the electric company, I'm paying $61 for water, and when gas comes in, it'll be a minimum of $70 because of all the activation fees and whatnot. I've got about $40 saved for rent, but that'll probably get used up in the next two weeks, meaning on my next paycheck, I'll have to pay $275 again, plus $12 for electricity, then another $70 for gas. Add in a few miscellaneous things like gas for the car and food, and I'll be breaking even again. But, I do have good news. Kim is in training for medical transcriptioning, by my aunt of course. She'll make 6 cents a line, and Anna will make 2 cents for every line they type. So anyway, Kim is at her house right now, and will be for the most part of the day, so that leaves me all alone to do what I please. I guess it'll be Final Fantasy, eh?

Well, back to TCIM, since that seems to be the only thing on my mind right now, anyway. Yesterday was payday, of course, and let me tell you, there must have either been a lot of call-ins or people just weren't scheduled to work. On normal days, we have around 80 - 90 application CSR's staffed, which towers over activation. Well, since there was so few activation people there, many application reps had to take activation calls. Here's the kicker: there only showed to be like 50 staffed in application, which is a loss of 30 people. On normal days, we've had like 30 application reps available and waiting for calls, so what this did is make a hit to that number, and leave us w/ 5 - 10 reps available every time I looked. That meant higher call volume for everybody actually on the floor. I remember when I used to miss a lot. It's easy to tell why TCIM writes you up so easily for missing a day, now. Boy, I was sure irresponsible then. But now, since it's only me working, I have to put in my 40 hours a week. I don't like getting sent home, and I don't plan on missing any days. I've had no writeups yet, so after 3 months, I'm going to apply for whatever new job is posted on the job posting board.

Right now, I'm burning Bulletproof Monk. The Core, which I downloaded a few days ago, looks a little big, so I don't know if I'll be able to burn it or not. If not, I can just split it, perhaps cutting off the credits and intro, but there's usually not many bits in there, anyway. I don't think I want to do a halfway split, because I consider that a waste of a CD. Oh well.

Well, seems TCIM has slowed down. Ever since Sunday, it's been pretty slow. It's been about 300 seconds (five minutes, but our timers count in seconds), which means that if I take 40 calls in a day, that's about one 1 hour 40 minutes a day of just sitting there. I don't mind it being like that, but when it gets exceptionally slow, I get sent home early, which means I'll just work more time on another day, which isn't too fun.

Let's see, what else is new... I beat Final Fantasy 1 of Final Fantasy Origins. Now I'm working on Final Fantasy 2, which is the only Final Fantasy that I've never beaten. I don't like the level system very much, but maybe it'll get better the more I play. Also, right now I'm downloading The Core, but it looks like it's going to take forever. Not enough users sharing it.

Well, that seems to be it for now. Life's been pretty routine, nothing interesting to talk about. Latah.

New day, new blog. Today was probably the easiest day of work that I've had yet, because we were having 600 - 700 seconds between calls. I don't know if it was just a slow Sunday, or because there weren't that many call ins today, or perhaps it was the new training class that just got out. We had 20 - 30+ reps available most of the day, which meant calls were about 10 minutes apart, so basically we were talking 10 minutes, then off the phones 10 minutes. Maybe it'll be slower through the week, I just don't want to get sent home early again. We were sent home 1:15 min early, but I asked if I could stay until my scheduled time. Didn't happen. In the old days when I started at TCIM, I was always looking for days off or to leave home early. I guess I've changed. I sure wish I was at the pay rate I was at then, though, sheesh. Well, with this paycheck, I'm going to have 80 hours and 26 minutes of overtime. It'll be a nice fat check. Too bad I have to pay this last months rent, plus half of next months rent. That'll a big chunk of change!

Well, so anyway, I'm burning They. It might actually be done by now, I'm not sure. I might watch it tonight, or perhaps play some more Final Fantasy. Final Fantasy Origins, to be exact. Part one right now, the oldschool Nintendo game with souped up graphics and a few small alterations. I'm also glad to see some comments coming in for once. In case you don't know, on the left side of this page is a place to sign up if you're so interested in my life that you would like e-mail updates every time I update the blog, which obviously isn't as much as I'd like to, since we don't have an internet connection at the moment.

Remeber the old site-of-the day things that I used to do? Here's a new one: http://www.phonespelling.com/, a funny site that you can use to see what your phone number can spell. Try it out.

I can't believe I haven't blogged since that last blog. So dark and depressing, phew. Glad that's all over with. Well, time to do some catching up. We've made it out of Vic's house, finally. Not like I don't like Vic, as he's one of my best friends, but man, so many people just aren't meant to live together. Well, anyway, Kim and I are living in Detroit again, except this time, it's our own house. We have our own yard, our own fence, driveway, porch, everything. We've kept it up very nicely, too. As a matter of fact, we just finished weed eating today, and I also swept the porch and walkway. If you know me, I've never been big on yardwork, but now that I own it, it's not so dull anymore. The only bad thing about where we're living is our neighbors. On one side of our house where a nice old lady used to live is a house full of people. I'm still not sure who is living there because so many different people are always coming and going. Their back yard is a total mess of metal and junk, and there is a toilet sitting in the front yard. So far, we've mowed 3 times since we've been there. They've mowed once, with a weedeater, so it wasn't all that good. The neighbors across the road are always fighting, but they keep their house up, so they don't much bother me. And of course, diagonally across the street, is my Aunt Anna, who I still call "A-nana."

Well, today, I'm supposed to start training at the Paris Motor Speedway, but I have to get a hold of Jamie somehow. Hopefully I can work tonight so we can buy some food, but the past 3 or 4 times I was supposed to start training, it was either raining or it was too busy up there. I was promised the job by the owner himself since I helped fix their printer that one day. Maybe they'll finally pull through with the promise.

Also, I'm working at TCIM again. I'm in applications now. I used to be in activations, but I did some applications back then too. There aren't many people there that were there then, maybe 10 or so. Not to mention they've also completely changed around both programs, just not the scripts. The activation program now looks like the old application program did, and now in applications, we offer credit protection, which used to be a specific activation program. We also do balance transfers and have the whole 2 rebuttals thing to do, but I don't get cussed out near as much as I used to in activation. I'm also making $2/hr less, but I'll advance in the job, I hope. I haven't missed any days yet, either, which is pretty good. But I have only been working there since the 10th of this month, so that's 17 days. I hope I don't ever have a reason to miss a day.

Kim was talking to me last night about starting a lawsuit against the social workers at the hospitals in Tulsa for grievance and loss of income, plus whatever else we can get them for. If the lawyer thinks the case has a chance to win, he'll take the case for free, then take a portion of our profits. Of course no amount of money will ever replace Celes, but some money sure would help in stabilizing our condition right now. Just one person working at a job at $6.50/hr where you're not guaranteed to get 40 hours a week is quite a gamble at paying bills. However, as soon as I can get my tax transcript from last year, I'll be able to get Kim into college to get her started doing medical transcriptioning. I really wish I could go first, and she did tell me a long time ago that I could go first since I'm older and have wanted to go for a longer time, but she's probably forgotten that, and I won't hold it against her. It does make me a little sad and jealous that she gets to go first, but oh well, I can just stuff my pride.

Anyway, I'm working at ripping a DVD right now. Wes Craven's They, which I haven't even watched all of yet. Gotta return it to get a $1.00 credit! Hehe.

It was another depressing day. I feel bad for not going to Oklahoma with Kim, but I'm just lacking in energy and motivation. Mom told me today that the way she described it was a dark hole that you can't get out of. Well, I'm trying my hardest, and eventually, I'll make it. I don't want to go to a mental hospital because I'd miss my wife and everything, but if I stay home, fewer options are available. We'll be getting out of Vic's house, which is a good thing. We're finally coming closer to our own house and all... I feel so terrible that I'm not helping, but something is holding me back. I don't know what, or why, but it just seems that way. I've messed up so many times previously that it feels like people have no faith in me, and by all means, they shouldn't. In my state, I could do just about anything. Not like killing anybody or anything like that, but I'm just at the end of my rope. I feel caged and I want freed. Well, tomorrow, I have 2 appointments with the MHMR, hopefully all will go good.

I'm also very thankful to Rick for giving us the money to help us out. Rick, if you ever read this, thank you SO much! It means the world to us to be out of that house and on our own. You have given us more than I could ever imagine. Quite possibly more than my father did, so you're like a father to me. I look up to you and respect you. I know you've had rough times too... everybody does... I'm also very sorry for the way things happened between Stoney and I... It must have been a misunderstanding plus his rough day at work. I'm sure his work isn't easy, and I feel for him... Yet, I don't appreciate the way he approached me about food, as it was also confusing, as I didn't know you had talked to Kelly about commodities. I wouldn't have it in me to ever approach anybody in that manner... I don't know what I did wrong or how I should have corrected it, but that's all history now.


To the present, I'm quite unsure of what outcomes may lie ahead. I may go to a hospital, or maybe not. I don't know. Help would be nice, which is what we are receiving. Maybe in a hospital I could catch up on some reading... God knows I need to. Maybe this appointment tomorrow will bring good, who knows. Anything is worth a try at least once.

Today hasn't been a very good day. It's been quite the downer... Reasons why is because of many things; Celes, Vic's rules, the trashy house, lack of jobs, no money. That's just to name a few. Yesterday, I went to the ER about my problems. I was crying and everything, but not because I wanted it to look real, but because it was real. Nonetheless, the Dr... A Dr. by the name of Dr. Rambo just said I was being negative about everything and that I just needed to cheer up. I know enough about psychology to know that that is NOT the thing to say to someone like me. I'm now not only in the dumps, but now I just feel tiny like I just don't know what to do with my life. Worse comes to worse, she said I had 2 options: go to Terrell, or go home with a 1mg Xanax. Of course I chose the xanax, but that's just because I don't want to go to that stinkhole.

I've also done some things that I quite shouldn't have... I regret them now, but isn't that always the case? No number of "I'm sorry's" are ever going to cut it, and it cuts me like a knife. I can't fix it. All I can do is act like it never happened.

However, my biggest horror quite possibly is the dreams of Celes. The feel, the smell, the soft skin... I can still see it all, yet I can't physically touch it in my dream state. I guess I should just toughen up and not think of things like that, because there sure is no positive about this... Not like Dr. Rambo said.

Well, so anyway, tomorrow I have an appointment at the MHMR center tomorrow. I doubt it, but I might actually see a Dr. They don't know how much it would mean to me... Upper, downer, I don't care, I just need to clear my head. I can't do anything really until I get it, and until I get it, I'm stuck at that filthy house. It nothing but a depressing situation. If there were just something I could do, I would, but I can't think of anything. Each passing day seems worse than the prior. I'm getting less and less done, just feeling sorry for myself... I want to talk to somebody, but there isn't anybody, not until I get my appointment set up.

Kim is down with me, but she says things will get better. Of course they will, but this mindless suffering even for a day or two is painful. I can't wait to just get away from it all, get on with my life, and be happy. Shoot, I don't even know if I'll make tomorrow's appointment. My sleep schedules are all screwed up, and my fear of talking on top of that... Good luck to me, I'll certainly need it.

Best of luck to all of you...

Let's see, let's see... Nothing much to say, really, so this is just a minor update. With Kim's last paycheck, she bought a 10-pack of blank CD-R's from Office Max. With these, we've been making rips of DVD's and downloading movies to burn on CD's. We've already got a pretty good collection and it's growing. Right now, I'm downloading Bringing Down the House and Daredevil. A few days ago, I made rips of Final Destination 2 and Tears of the Sun. It takes 1 700MB CD per movie, so that's 4 CD's so far. I've also found a new archiving tool. It's called UHARC. So far, it has beaten .ZIP, .ACE, and .RAR every single time. It's great for fitting a lot onto one cd! :)

We've also found out some more about C-Tech, a new computer company that is coming into town and hiring a lot of people. I'll go and apply there for a job and hopefully get it. With this, if Kim wanted, she could quit so I could work, because I know I'd make more than her. She just isn't getting enough hours at TCIM. That job is a joke. How do they expect to keep workers if they don't even give you a guaranteed 15 hours a week? They've lied about many things to her and it won't stop. They need to figure out what's going on and fix it... It doesn't take a genius to fix these kinds of things.

Welp, so long! That's all I can think to write right now. :P

I'm at Mom's again. This is probably the last time for a while, but who knows. Kim is at work right now; I'm just waiting here until she either calls me to pick her up or until 10:00 PM, when she gets off. Well, anyway, lately Kim, Michael, Justin, and I have been playing Dungeon's and Dragons. It's a roleplaying game I've wanted to play for a long time, since I first found some DnD books that my dad had. It's a game of your imagination where you determine the success of actions with dice. Kim likes it so much that she's writing adventures for it already! I'd have never expected that. I guess RPG's are just addicting. :)

Also, Kim and I got a new dog. A female chihuahua. Her name was Prissy, but we decided to change it to Sasha. Her hair is a little longer than any other chihuahua that I've seen, but I like it. It was actually an early birthday present from Kim.

Hmm... I was also approved by TCIM for the job, they just don't have any hours for me yet. I'm supposed to call next Thursday and see how things are going. Hopefully I'll have the job back so we can start moving on.

Welp, I finished Gravity. It was about two days after that last blog. It was a very good book. It kind of reminds me of Dreamcatcher by Stephen King and Aliens. It was a book that also made you kind of think about life. Well, anyway, today we got a bed. It beats the old air mattress we've been sleeping on. The seams on the air mattress have popped out, making the mattress lumpy. It would make you roll off the mattress in the middle of the night and was quite annoying. Also, Kim seems to be in a really good mood lately. We've been doing more together lately and she seems to enjoy her job more, even though they're sending her home too early too often. If I get the job there, it won't be as bad, but it still won't be perfect. Kim is also happy because this girl at work might give her a chihuahua (if that's how you spell it). It's still a pup, but I think we can give it a good home. We've also got our two cats there too, and they seem to enjoy it. I'm glad we got them, because her dad was going to kill them if we didn't give them another home. Again, we're talking about his greed in money. He's mad because he had to take a pay cut. Oh big woopty doo. He's still making more than Kim and I could both make together, PLUS he gets overtime on top of the 40 hours that Kim and I wouldn't be able to make every week. His heart needs to go into his home and family, not his work and money. At the job he's at, it could be pulled out from under him and he'll be put in our shoes. After his unemployment runs out, I'd like to see how far he could go in OUR shoes. He's always bragging about his money and his labor. Well, enough of that. I'll end this blog here. Have a nice day!

It's me again. I've been reading a book lately, and I'm about 60 pages away from the end (which will take me no time). It's called Gravity by Tess Gerritsen. Here's what it says in the front cover:

Emma Watson, a brilliant research physician, has been training for the mission of a lifetime: to study living beings in space. Jack McCallum, Emma's estranged husband, has shared her dream of space travel, but a medical condition has grounded and embittered him. He must watch from the sidelines as his wife prepares for her first mission to the International Space Station.
Once aboard the space station, however, things start to go terribly wrong. A culture of single-celled organisms known as Archaeons, gathered from the deep sea, is to be monitored in the microgravity of space. The true and lethal nature of this experiment has not been revealed to NASA. In space, the cells rapidly multiply and soon begin to infect the crew -- with agonizing and deadly results.
A recovery attempt ends in catastrophe; the NASA shuttle crashes, and the space station is left dangerously crippled. Emma struggles to contain the deadly microbe, while back home, Jack and NASA work against the clock to retrieve Emma from space.
But there will be no rescue. The contagion now threatens Earth's population as well, and the astronauts are left stranded in orbit, quarantined aboard the station -- where they are dying one by one....

Sound good? It is to me. I can't wait to finish it. Well, anyway, we've got to go now. We're planning on borrowing Mom's Foreman Grill to make some hamburgers and throw around this frisbee thing I bought called an Aerobie. Catch you all later!

The past few days haven't been too bad. Vic, Marc, and I all have computers now hooked up in a room and we've been playing games like Diablo 2, Baldur's Gate, ZSNES, etc. The house has been a lot cooler, so that's a plus, but we're still doing without water, which is why I keep coming to Mom's for a shower and such. Kim's job has been doing good as well. At first she hated it, but now she's doing good. She said she was the top person in her class for sales made so far, so I think she'll do good there.

Today, we're planning on finding something to do while she has a day off. She works tomorrow, so we don't have long. Movies, bowling, or getting a volleyball net or something like that. We haven't fully decided yet. We may even go out and eat (but she'll break her diet if she does).

Last night was pretty good, too. After she got off work, we went to Hastings to get some drinks from the new Hard Back Cafe and look at books and movies. Vic went with us as well so he could get some movies. So, we got our drinks, Kim got a book, and Vic got 3 movies. I've seen 2 so far and I'm going to watch the 3rd tonight.

That's enough for now, I suppose. Catch you all later!

I quit my job at We Pack. Not because I wanted to, but because Kim got a higher paying job at TCIM. Since we only have one car, this was the best choice at the time, but I regret quitting because it was nice to have money coming in. The work was monotonous and the temperature was hot, not to mention there was long periods of standing in one place not being able to move. It sure seems like a job worth more than $5.25 an hour, or however much it is that they pay, but I guess they don't want to bring the standards of that place up enough to make it a job worth staying at. Well, anyway, it seems like I'm going to be applying at TCIM again. That was one of my better jobs and the pay was always good, but it sure makes me feel weird at the thought of going back there.

Also, at the house (Vic and Marc's), it's been VERY hot lately. Even at night, Kim and I would both sweat a river. So, we got the old air conditioner that we had at Blossom from over at Darla's. That thing sure was heavy! Well, first we took it into our room where a 220 plug was next to the window. The air conditioner wouldn't fit, so we took it into the living room so we could take the smaller 110 air conditioner and put it in our room. When we put it in there, only the fan would turn on. This sure wasn't a good thing. So, we got an electronic tester and tested the plug. The plug was only putting out 110 when the jack was a 220, so only the fan in the air conditioner would turn on. So, we just left it there for the night since it was already dark. For once, Kim and I got to sleep in the cool air because of the old air conditioner that we moved into the room. However, we were going to have to move it back into the living room the next day. Well, that morning, Vic's dad woke me up and said he found a working 220 that had a different jack on it that morning. So, we moved the air conditioner into that room and bang, it worked! So now, the whole house is cool, and living there is sooooo much better. We still don't have water, though, so doing dishes is hard, not to mention we can't take baths or flush the toilet. Don't even ask HOW we do it, because it's a secret. :P

Well, got laundry to do, and cook for my hard working wife! LOL

Wow, a new blogging method. How nice. I certainly don't keep up with my blog as much as I should, so these things just kind of pass me by! So anyway, I've got a job now. It's with Manpower, but I'm actually working at We Pack. I've only worked two days so far, and the job is by no means easy. It is very hot in there and you have to constantly keep moving, but hey, it's a job. I plan on sticking with it, too. I've got way too much on the line, and I don't want anything like what has previously happened like Celes again. But now things are starting to look up in a way. I have a job and we have food stamps, so as long as nothing changes, we should be getting out of this pit we've gotten ourselves in. I also imagine that more than likely Kim will have a job with We Pack as well, seeing as how people don't seem to last very long there. I don't think the job will be bad at all if Kim works with me. It's weird how we spend so much time together already. We never fight, and when we're apart, we just want to see each other again. I don't know anybody else that is like that. After long enough, most people seem to start fighting over the small stuff.

Well, this week we watched fireworks. It was a really good show! However, Kim hurt herself there. Her ankle was sprained pretty badly, and you can now see a big black bruise. Me and some other guys were throwing a football around and she wanted to play too after watching us for like ten minutes. So, when I had the ball, I threw it to her. She jumped to grab it and fell, twisting her ankle. We thought she was laughing when it happened, but then we noticed she was crying. We were all laughing at her because we thought she was laughing, but then we felt pretty bad. So after the game we took her to the hospital to make sure nothing was broken. Still, all in all, I think we all had a good time. But speaking of hospitals, we're about to go again because Kim has a bad ear infection. She can't even chew! So anyway, I'm going to get off of here and take her there. Later everybody!

Yesterday was probably the saddest day of my life. First of all, we were told last week that Celes had severe brain damage and that she wouldn't live much longer, and if she did live a little longer, it would be on a respirator. So, Kim and I decided that we would just pull her oxygen before that ever happened and let her go as naturally as possible. After about 3 or 4 hours of her struggling to keep alive, we decided to pull the trach to make it quicker for her. After that, her heartbeat was constantly stopping. However, she somehow kept managing to come back. After about the second time this happened, the doctor said she was more than likely brain dead by then. So, we watched her slowly die for about 7 hours. She finally passed away at 8:00 PM on Tuesday, June 17. She was 9 lb 9 oz. The funeral will be in a couple of days. She is greatly missed and she was loved greatly by Kim, myself, and all of our family.

It's been another long stretch between blogs, but not by choice. We still don't have the internet, and probably won't have it again at Kim's parents house. It looks like it's not important enough to them. Personally (and with no offense intended), I don't see how people can live without the internet. We've missed out on a lot already: driving directions, phone numbers, apartment information, medicaid information, and a lot more. But then again, I don't think having the internet on a 56k connection is worth $30 a month. Well, I guess when you live in a small town who is long distance to all other towns except itself, I guess things like that happen. Whatever happened to $20 a month (which is still a little pricy) for internet access? All of the major providers that I know of (AOL, Earthlink, MSN) are under $20 (of course that's without tax).

So anyway, we're going to go see Celes tomorrow after Kim picks up her new glasses. BTW: The optomotrist said that one of her eyes is "off balance." There is a word for it, but she couldn't remember what the doctor called it. She thought the doctor was eerie. Celes was just moved from St. Francis to another hospital in Tulsa called Children's Medical Center which is located pretty close to downtown, so the traffic there is much worse than normal traffic. Kim called her today and the nurse said that Celes was doing good and that they haven't had anything bad happen yet.

Well, for a quick recap on the events as of late: I lost a contact the other night while Kim, Michael, and I were at Marc and Vic's house the other day. We were all playing video games and then we went outside to wrestle (at like 3:00 AM nonetheless). It just popped out within the first minute of wrestling. Oh well, I still have another pair. We also borrowed Final Fantasy X and dot.Hack: Infection. I also got a few movies which I have so conveniently ripped. They were The Lord of the Rings Extended Version (2 disk set), Akira, and Monty Python's Life of Brian. I also have Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust which I'm going to get ripped pretty soon.

Anyway, about to have to split. Gonna go see Matrix Reloaded. Later!

Today has overall been a disappointing day. Apparently, my mom called the Ronald McDonald House and asked why we weren't allowed back there. They said there was numerous reasons, but they wouldn't say exactly what. So, I called up there personally, and if you know me, I don't like making phone calls, but I'm just so fed up with everybody's lies and mistruths that I just can't stand it anymore. The first call, I get transfered to a voicemail. We all know how well that works out; you never get a return call. The second call was to somebody else. Same thing. The third call I explained that I kept getting voicemail. What does she do? Transfer me to the first voicemail. So I call back. I ask for anybody's phone number ABOVE them. She doesn't know any. How totally screwed up is that?! So, in an e-mail to both the administrator and resident manager, I explained everything as polite as possible. Let's just see if I get a reply.

Also, this Thursday, Kim and I will go back to the hospital to stay longer and learn more about how to care for Celes. I don't know for how long, but hopefully it's a sign that she's getting ready to come home. Yay!

But nonetheless, I'm still depressed and worried. There's just so many things going on, and a lot that don't even involve the baby. I'm just ready for this all to end and get resituated.

OK, we're back from seeing Celes in Tulsa. While there, we learned a few things, like how to care for her gastrostomy tube and how to suction her trach tube to get mucuos out. I also changed her diaper for the first time, and we also took her temperature a couple of times. Nothing seemed really all that complicated, so I hope when we're on our own, we get through things easily.

However, today, when Kim called about Celes, they said that her heart wasn't doing something right, so they were going to do another scan on that. I'm not sure, but that may be the cause of her high blood pressure. I hope it's something a pill can fix, and not another surgery. I don't like seeing her like that. Otherwise, she's doing OK (high blood pressure, though). If she's come this far, there's no need to turn back now.

As for my diet, I've had to break it a couple of times. The reason is because I'm tired of eating the same things every day (eggs, salad, bacon, sausage). But I've been eating less than 10 carbohydrates a day, so a day or two of high carbohydrate intake shoudn't affect me too badly. I've just been completely out of energy on the diet and always wanting to sleep (which is normal, it lasts a few days, even up to a week or two). This is just your body transitioning from primarily burning glucose to primarily burning fat. In case you don't know, carbohydrates are what get metabolized into glucose.

The dance that mom did for the fund raiser wasn't a huge success, but it worked out with at least a profit. She says she thinks it made $150, but she's not sure yet because she hasn't counted the money. Mom has been working herself ragged the past few weeks and I feel so indebted to her. Maybe some other day I can do something special for her when I'm in a more stable condition. I'm going to help her tomorrow or the next day or whatever with the house. She wants a deep clean, and that's what she'll get. Last time, Kim and I cleaned the house and did the laundry, so we'll just do a repeat with a little more dusting and whatnot. If only we could get Michael to help more. He reminds me a lot of myself how I was when I was his age about how I never cleaned and relied completely on Mom for everything. But then when I moved out, I got a crash course in practically everything. I didn't even know how to do laundry or cook in a skillet, how bad is that for you? Not to mention, if he could help us out and get a routine, I bet it would help Mom's health condition considerably since a lot of her symptoms are probably related to stress and anxiety. I still think she takes too many pills for her own good, though, but who am I to say.

Also, Kim permed her hair. I never thought you could improve perfection, but I guess I proved myself wrong. The perm looks really nice and gives her a new look. She's trying her hardest to look better for me, even though I think she looks perfect already. A little extra weight isn't a problem that can't be fixed, and that's what she wants to do for both herself and our future baby. We've both agreed that if we have another baby, it'll be after she is at or near her recommended body weight. You just can't take too many precautions when you have had something like this happen.

Oh yeah! I also got my contacts. For only $99, I get 2 pair, which is enough to last 1 year. I feel so much better now that I don't have those goofy looking glasses on my face. I'm supposed to go back in for another checkup next Thursday at 9:30 AM, but I don't know if I'll be able to make it unless the hospital can put us back in for some more training. I will go back for the checkup, because I'm a little worried. The pressure in my eyes was 22, where 10 - 20 are acceptable pressures. This is a risk for glaucoma, and I certainly don't want that (or even really know what it means). I've just been told it can cause blindness and pain, which are two things I least desire.

Well, I guess that's all for today. Happy reading!

Sadly, today is going to be my last day of blogging for a little while. But while here, I'll let everyone know what the plan is. Tomorrow (Thursday) we're going back to Tulsa to learn a few things about how to care for Celes. Luckily enough, we're getting a courtesy room for two days to do this. After that, who knows what. At least we'll be spending time with her.

On to the Atkin's diet we've been doing. Yesterday I bought all the vitamins that the book recommended for people on the diet. They were:

• Borage Oil (500 mg), containing 200 mg Gamma-Linolenic Acid
  
• Flax Oil (1000 mg), containing 585 mg Alpha-Linolenic Acid
  
• Multivitamins, containing an array of things
  
• Natural Fiber Laxative (Sugar Free) containing Psyllium Husk Fibers (but also 2g fiber, if I'm correct)
  

These vitamins should help increase the rate at which I loose weight while also supplying me with nutrients that I'll be deficient on while on the Induction Phase of this diet.

So far, on this diet, I haven't been really starving, but at times I do get a bit hungry. I am allowed all the food I want, as long as I keep the carbohydrates below 20g. Not too bad, huh? And this induction is only going to last a minimum of two weeks. After two weeks if I'm ready to move on, I can, but probably not because I want to lose weight the fastest possible. If anybody is reading this and wants a change in lifestyle/health/weight, I would really recommend reading Dr. Atkins New Diet Revolution. It's only $5.99 at any Wal-Mart. It'll change the way you feel about eating.

I'm still a little depressed about everything going on. To be honest, I'm not sure how long Celes will live, and if she does, how good the quality of life will be for her. It's on my mind every day, I just don't show it to Kim, because there's no reason to spread fear around like that. I would give my life for her, without a second thought. I wish I could, but I just can't. The best I can do is just be here for her, but like in the previous blog, being here isn't enough for that social worker.

When Kim and I chose to have this baby, we knew things would get tough. We knew things would get tight, and we would have less time for ourselves. That's what we wanted, though, because Celes is worth everything, and Kim surely agrees. But this isn't under normal circumstances. I never expected to have a child with a need for breathing aparatus or a whole in her throat and stomach. You don't know how much it hurts to not even hear her cry. The closest thing to crying I ever see is a scrunched up "mad" face. Maybe this is a reason I don't like to see her so much? It hurts, deep down where I've never felt hurt before. I'm always looking for ways to get my mind off of it, but it's never enough. It's like a drug... You do it, you feel a little better, but when you're done, the problem is still there, but now you feel worse because you didn't spend that time with her.

Life is getting ever more complex, and making ends meet will be especially hard. I feel like a new me, not the old me that exploited everything with little feelings for others, but a new me with compassion for my family and friends and especially my wife. Without them I'd be lost in an endless void. But life will hopefully get better. It usually does, but I've never experienced anything like this, so I just don't know. My cousin Jamie went through something similar to this, but he didn't have the brain problems that Celes does. If she could just turn out like Jamie I'd be so very happy, but I won't know for a while. Watching her grow up will either be wonderously happy or wonderously misirable. That doesn't mean that I don't love her, it just means it'd be very hard to know she won't know the better things in life, or have to live on all kinds of prescription medications, or whatnot.

Another thing that bothers me is my teeth and my glasses. My glasses are near shot, they look like crap, and make me feel even worse when I look at something. Of course I know that it doesn't matter what other people thing about you, but to me, it matters enough that I get embarassed and look away as much as possible. If I'm dressed the best I can be, as clean as possible, hair styled nicely, I'm still left with that. I've lived with it for several months now, and I can't stand it. It makes me feel like the poeple think I'm just too cheap to buy new ones (which of course I am). Now my teeth is another story. That's been a lifelong problem. I wish I could have had them fixed while I was a child, but my parents never could afford them. It's embarassing to smile, just like how it is with the glasses. I have this one tooth that sticks out, and several others that are just crooked. I would fix all this if I had the money and the insurance, but for a person like me with no college experience, finding a job that pays that good is very, very hard.

College is another thing. I wish I could attend, but I can't. I know there are pell grants, but where I'm from, I don't know any colleges. Maybe I'll ask. But either way, going to college is the same thing as not supporting my family, because I won't be making any money. And God forbid that Rick give us money. Everytime he does, he uses it as leverage against us about many other things. Kim wants to attend a vo-tech to get into medical transcriptioning, but if she did that, who would watch the baby? As you know, Celes has special needs, and only her and I will be trained for it. The options are never enough, and I don't want to be stuck the rest of my life as just another minimum wage person.

So, any suggestions? And by that, I mean suggestions that produce results, not just "hang in there" or "it'll get better."

I'm sorry, but after this blog, I won't be able to blog again for a long period of time. This isn't a good thing in all; in fact, it depresses me. I started this blog with the intent of staying steady with it, but look here... No more blog. It's not my fault, nor anyone's really, unless you say it was Rick's, who decided to cut it off last month. I won't go into the detail of why, but I'm sure that if you're assuming it's about money, you're getting pretty hot... Sizzling, I would say. Anyhow, back to the subject at hand, right now I'm pretty depressed. There's just so much going on that I never planned on, so much traveling, and so much dealing with hospital social workers who don't understand the things I'm saying. Maybe it's just because I get nervous when I talk to people like that. She has all the right to take the baby from us but I don't want that to ever happen. You see, the issue is because we couldn't see Celes over 50% of the time was because of many different individualized problems. On one hand, we could spend much of our day with her, and on the other, we could get rid of stress by seeing the sights of a new town. Well, in all actuality, we went somewhere in the middle of those two. We did see her at least once a day, if only for a half-hour, but many of the times we would see her two or three times a day, being about 3 hours total, except for the occasions where we stayed over eight hours a day for her first surgery.

It's just like when we try to talk to her, she tells us that she just can't (but the reason is usually because we didn't see her over 50% of the time) help us there. If we were to promise to spend time, which to me feels like begging, she could even still say no, but I don't know the truth because I haven't asked. She keeps telling me that, since I'm not required to be up at the hospital anymore, that I should just go back home and get my job back. However, like I asked her, "What's the point in getting a job that you'd leave in a couple of weeks; a number of weeks that you're not even certain of to come back here to learn how to take care of her?" I don't even remember her answer to that question, but oh well.

There are other problems with the hospital as well, but there's really nothing we can do about it. Firstly, the nurses. They're rarely there when we come, so what we do is just stand by her crib. I've counted times as high as 40 minutes before her nurse came and talked to us. It was probably her lunch break or something, and of course everybody needs them, but for God's sake this is Perinatal Intensive Care. It would only take seconds for her to die if she had pulled her tube out, or farther brain damage if she had more seizure-like episodes. Of course machines beep and the other nurses will come, but then what about their babies. Just leave them out to die? One of the nurses also made Kim cry. What happened was it was almost shift-change (where everybody is required to leave the area), she talked to Celes' nurse. The nurse was VERY rude and telling her she had to leave at shift change, and all she wanted to do was ask a question about the baby. See, the question we had we got while in the waiting room. Our nurse told the mother next to us that our baby was probably going to have her breathing tube pulled. She completely failed to mention that to us. When the lady came out, she asked questions about the pulling of the tube. We knew nothing and investigated further to find out the nurse just "forgot" to tell us. That's why Kim talked to her, but she was very rude. When Kim came out she was crying. And, if you knew Kim like I do, she didn't do anything wrong. Now also, lately, since we're hundreds of miles away from Tulsa, we call every day. Three times out of five, when she calls, the nurse has left. How's that for crazy?

So, all in all, it's quite depressing. There's other factors attributing to this, too. Like, if you don't know already, it was accidentally assumed that we had herpes. We thought we did ourselves, even. Turns out we don't. But, Rick and his happy self decided we needed a lecture about how he should have been told because we live in his house. It was a 5 minute lecture that seemed to last forever. He only found out because somebody accidentally told him, and we didn't want to tell him anyway because we knew this would happen. But now we don't have it, and never will. It was a wasted lecture, but it hurt, because it is our privacy, and ours alone, even if we do live with him. If anything like that were to happen again, I wouldn't tell him. It's none of his business, and I hate getting lectures about what I feel is unfair, invasive, or personal. Kim's mom is much nicer, although a little on the silly side sometimes. Thing is, she means well, but she's always asking us to do stuff. Stuff like moving furniture, feeding animals, watering, etc. She doesn't ask it all the time, but sometimes she does, you know? And tells us what we need to do to prepare for the baby, how to care for it, how much of a burden it is... It gets old, real old, and very quick. Especially when every other relative tells you. They all think they're doctors, but what they don't get is that the practices used when they had babies is outdated by better medicines, better practicing, etc.

Oh well... Being sad, anxious, and depressed never really hurt anyone.

So today, check out http://www.orbitz.com/, a nice site for hotel reservations and cheap prices. It's the best service I can find.

Phew, while writing this, I can see my last blog. That was a really long time ago! Well, first of all I don't have access to the internet anymore, which is a real bummer to this blog, but whenever I can get it back I'll try to post more often.

The biggest news is obviously that Celes has been born, but everything didn't go as planned. She was born at McAlester Regional Medical Center in McAlester, OK at 10:00 AM on February 26th. She weighed 5 pounds 4 ounces and was 19 inches long. She was about one month premature. The reason we went to the hospital in the first place was because Kim's blood pressure was up. After staying overnight she was having contractions, so they had to go ahead and take her. When she was out, she only cried very lightly once or twice for a couple of seconds, and she wasn't breathing for quite some time. So, after getting out of the delivery room, they took her out and put her in another room where they could keep an oxygen mask over her. She stopped breathing several times and was having seizures, so later that day they decided to take her to St. Francis' EOPC (Eastern Oklahoma Perinatal Center) in Tulsa, OK. There she has remained, until this date. We're hoping to have her home in about a month or so, if everything goes well.

The reasons for her stay are varied. At first she was having apnic periods and seizures, so they explored all the causes, but the cause was, sadly enough, in the brain. The doctor said it was maldeveloped, and it was the part of the brain that affected movement and motor skills, including breathing. They don't know what this will cause in the long run. She's also had 2 surgery's. The first was a PDA ligation, and the second was to put in a trachea tube and G tube. The first is a hole in her throat to help her breath, the second is to feed her through (since you can't feed a baby with a hole in its throat).

My family has been more than helpful these past couple of months. My mother has raised a whole bunch of money through fundraisers and donation jars, and practically every family member I can think of has sent a card to us or cash or whatever. I've lost my job because I had to spend all my time with her, but they say I can get my job back when I'm ready to come back. I just hope they're not lying (of course they also told me I wouldn't lose my job in the first place).

We were staying at the Ronald McDonald house in Tulsa right beside the hospital, but we had to leave because we weren't able to spend enough time with Celes, but it was just too hard to spend a lot of time with her because she was on the minimal handling protocol which meant we couldn't hold, touch, or talk over her for the first few weeks, and after that, there just wasn't much room beside her bed to see her and remain comfortable. But, even still, we stayed as much as we could and were constantly calling and checking on her.

I taped a lot of what went on on Michael's digital video camera. Sometime in the future I will copy it all and burn it to CD, but for now I have other priorities...

Also, Kim and I have decided to start a diet. The Atkins Diet... From reading the book, and learning why and how a person gains weight, we feel like we can quickly and easily burn off these extra pounds and get to our recommended weights. Its a really good book, I would recommend that everybody try it...

Sorry, but since I haven't been online in a long time, I don't know any websites off hand for the site of the day... Anyway, later everybody!

It's been an interesting past couple of days. Friday, we did get married, although we can't afford rings yet. We'll be getting them whenever tax money comes in, though. That day, we went to Chili's just like we did when we first met, then to Blossom to get the mail, then to Detroit to see my aunt. After that, we returned to Paris to watch Shanghai Knights, which was a pretty funny movie. Then, it was off to Wal-Mart where we put some money on our Wal-Mart card for some gas, then it was over to the Budget Inn, which was the cheapest motel in town. So, all in all it was a pretty active day, but it was well spent, and we sure had a lot of fun. I'm still not used to her having my last name, but I'll get over it eventually, hehe.

So, today, we got back around 12:30 PM, I believe. We haven't really done much today except be lazy, but that's the most fun thing to do! I also filed my taxes today. I did it online to save time and money, but I'm only going to be getting back $67 this year. I had only made $2500 in all of last year, and I've already almost made that much THIS year!

If you want to look into filing online, first you can check out http://www.irs.gov/ for links and information, but to actually file you'll have to go through another company. I used http://www.freetaxusa.com/, where I can get a free refund if I make less than $30,000, which I most definitely did.

So anyway, see you all on the flipside!

Thursday, it's payday, woohoo! And tomorrow is going to only be a four hour day, so that is really going to rock me. Today sucked, however. It was 11.5 hours of work! That's the longest I've ever worked. The first hour and fifteen minutes was for a class that I have to go to, which is called Mission: Continuous Improvement. The reason we all do this is because we're competing with China, and there's no way we can compete with the prices, so we have to compete in quality. Also, Kim has been playing a lot of Neopets lately. If you want to message her there, her name is sweetkimfox. Anyway, I'm out!

It's Sunday, the day before the beginning of the new work week. It's been the same old stuff at work, not much to say for that. We've been preparing for the new baby, which we got new pictures of. It is definitely a girl, woohoo! In case you didn't know, we've decided on the name Celes Elise. If you're not sure how to pronounce it, say it like celestial, minus the tial. Like "suh-less." Anyway, so far we have a bunch of newborn size diapers, wipes, the crib, a bunch of stuffed animals, pacifiers, and a bunch of other small random stuff. Also, this weekend I bought Kim a Valentines bear. It's purple, but depending on the way you rub it, it can look like two different colors. She also got me a watch (which looks really cool, I plan to wear it out!), and a small plush bear.

The site to check out tonight is http://www.neopets.com/. It's got a bunch of small flash games you can play to keep your pet healthy and happy. Great layout, check it out.

I'm at the last day of the weekend, which is always too short. I'm actually sneaking to get on the internet now, but after I finish this blog, Kim is going to get a recipe so she can cook a meal for us, since tomorrow is our one year anniversary. Rick has asked me to help him move some rocks in the driveway today, just like yesterday. It won't be so bad today, because I wasn't feeling so good yesterday. Or a couple of days before it, for that matter. I've had a sore throat and just kind of felt "out of it." Also, a few days ago, after having reformatting and reinstalling Windows, I did a virus check because the computer just wasn't working like it should. I found 74 viruses! Then, after the computer wouldn't let me install a virus scanner, we had to reformat again. But this time, the Windows 2000 CD worked perfectly, where it messed up on a couple of files the last time, so it's all good. The virus scanner I used is free, and only about 5.5MB. You can get it from http://www.grisoft.com/. It's called AVG Free Edition, but you'll need a serial number, which they will e-mail to you. So far it looks like a pretty nice program if you're afraid you may have viruses and don't want to pay for a scanner.

Anyway, I've gotta get all dressed and ready to go do some work and then eat. Goodbye all!

Well, it has been a good work week, and I'm finally at the end of the week. Time to rest up for next week! Well, Kim and I have decided that we're getting married on February 14th, and I've already asked to take that day off at work. It's Valentine's day, in case you didn't know, and it's also just a little over a year after we have first met. It's going to be just a small wedding in front of a JP, but that's how we both want it since we're the shy people that we are. :)

Not much else going on right now... Ask me in a few days when something happens. :) Bye everyone.

Sorry for the delay between blogs. Lots of work, little spare time, I guess. I'm liking my job, and hoping to advance in it. Life is looking a lot better, and Kim is nearing her 9th month of pregnancy. I'm not so mad at my mom anymore, but I'm still not exactly happy. Call me selfish or whatever, but I don't have to be happy about everything. Anyway, gotta split. Later everybody!