Today hasn't been a very good day. It's been quite the downer... Reasons why is because of many things; Celes, Vic's rules, the trashy house, lack of jobs, no money. That's just to name a few. Yesterday, I went to the ER about my problems. I was crying and everything, but not because I wanted it to look real, but because it was real. Nonetheless, the Dr... A Dr. by the name of Dr. Rambo just said I was being negative about everything and that I just needed to cheer up. I know enough about psychology to know that that is NOT the thing to say to someone like me. I'm now not only in the dumps, but now I just feel tiny like I just don't know what to do with my life. Worse comes to worse, she said I had 2 options: go to Terrell, or go home with a 1mg Xanax. Of course I chose the xanax, but that's just because I don't want to go to that stinkhole.

I've also done some things that I quite shouldn't have... I regret them now, but isn't that always the case? No number of "I'm sorry's" are ever going to cut it, and it cuts me like a knife. I can't fix it. All I can do is act like it never happened.

However, my biggest horror quite possibly is the dreams of Celes. The feel, the smell, the soft skin... I can still see it all, yet I can't physically touch it in my dream state. I guess I should just toughen up and not think of things like that, because there sure is no positive about this... Not like Dr. Rambo said.

Well, so anyway, tomorrow I have an appointment at the MHMR center tomorrow. I doubt it, but I might actually see a Dr. They don't know how much it would mean to me... Upper, downer, I don't care, I just need to clear my head. I can't do anything really until I get it, and until I get it, I'm stuck at that filthy house. It nothing but a depressing situation. If there were just something I could do, I would, but I can't think of anything. Each passing day seems worse than the prior. I'm getting less and less done, just feeling sorry for myself... I want to talk to somebody, but there isn't anybody, not until I get my appointment set up.

Kim is down with me, but she says things will get better. Of course they will, but this mindless suffering even for a day or two is painful. I can't wait to just get away from it all, get on with my life, and be happy. Shoot, I don't even know if I'll make tomorrow's appointment. My sleep schedules are all screwed up, and my fear of talking on top of that... Good luck to me, I'll certainly need it.

Best of luck to all of you...