Long time no see! Well, I got a job now at RGIS, which is an inventory company. Kim got the same job, too, and it seems to be working out quite well. This is even probably my favorite job ever, since it doesn't feel like I've got supervisors watching all over me and I can work at my own pace. Basically, what I do is use an audit microcomputer (which is like a superpowered calculator) and count inventory at different places. So far we've inventoried at 2 Beall's, Super One Foods, Goody's, and Lowe's. I liked Super One Foods the most, since in that store we do what is called an automatic count, which is where we scan one barcode and count the number of that particular item, type it in, and hit enter. It sounds easy, but let me tell you, this calculator can be quite intimidating. It has many functions, and I'm still really learning how to use it's functions, although I can do my job with what functions I already know. At clothing stores, we do a manual scan, which is where we have to scan EVERY barcode. That can get annoying, if you ask me, but then again, you don't have to look all around a shelf to count how many items is there.

So anyway, with RGIS just being a part time job for the both of us, we're still not making enough money to pay bills, so we're both out looking for other jobs as well. I'm not going to quit RGIS even if I do get a full time job, just because it's so fun to do, and the people are really nice. I just hope we can come up with enough money to get all of our bills paid, otherwise it'll be to the streets with us, since nobody can really take us in at this time.

Christmas has also passed since my last writing. It was a great Christmas. Kim and I went to both families to have it, which was pretty nice, although I had to deal with Stoney. I got Final Fantasy X 2 for Christmas, and Michael and I went half-and-half on Kingdom Hearts for Kim. Both games are great, I just don't ever know which game I want to play, hehe. Kingdom Hearts is a really cool RPG made by none other than Squaresoft and Disney, which are the two titans in their fields. I'd have never thought an RPG with characters like Donald, Goofy, Tarzan, etc. would be such a good game.

So anyway, I'm out for now. Check you all later!

It's been a hectic day. Going to sleep at 4:00 AM and waking up at 11:45 AM didn't allow for much sleep, but I can't help it. Anyway, today has been the first real day of job hunting. Today, alone, I put my resume at Radio Shack, application at Office Max, and went to the Texas Workforce Commission to look for jobs. I got one good lead at the hospital for a Material Clerk, which I am going to turn in tomorrow since it was too late today. I also got the phone number for the college, who I will try and call tomorrow.

However, tomorrow won't be an easy day, either. I have to be at the Clarksville MHMR tomorrow morning at 9:30 AM just to have another screening, but perhaps I can talk to a doctor or something about this desyrel/trazedone stuff. I just hope they'll listen. For once, I'm not wanting medications to "feel good" on or whatever, I want medications to help me through life and make things a bit easier. Hopefully my Dr. will understand this, because I will be quite truthful with him... Well, that is if I can see him tomorrow.

So anyway, I'm praying something good will come out of all of this. I'm honestly trying as hard as I can, and I don't want to lose our house. Maybe it was my mistake of quitting in the first place? Oh well, doesn't matter now, that's the past and now we're looking at the future. So, that's all for now. I hope you enjoyed reading this blog as much as I enjoyed writing it. Love to all!

It's been a crazy week, weather wise. Hot one day, cold the next. Rain every other day. High winds some days, calm others. Fall weather, got to love it. Yesterday, it was very windy, but I made sure to get some leaf blowing in, finally. I haven't been able to really use it since buying it, so I just said screw it and did some of Anna's yard.

The MHMR is really kindof upsetting me. They have been in such disorder since I came in that it's not even funny. They gave me trazedone, a pill I don't like, under the brand name Desyrel, which I was unfamiliar with since I'm a cheap-o and only buy generics. I've told nurse after nurse and caseworker after caseworker that I don't want it and will not take it. They gave me a sample bottle of 30, which I will not take because it makes me all funny-headed the next day. I have an appointment next week, maybe I can straighten things out then, if only I can actually see a doctor.

Well, if I don't blog again by Thanksgiving, I hope everybody has a good one. I'll see you all later!

What a week. Monday, I'm in Terrell, Friday, I'm out. Not by Dr.'s orders, of course. I got out because of the judge, who put me in outpatient rather than inpatient. I feel like this is the best thing for me, since Terrell was nothing of a help to me. Just a place to get medication is all it was, but I can do that in outpatient as well. All I can say is that it's good to be free. The Dr.'s seem to think I'm a serious threat to myself and others, but they know nothing. I wouldn't do anything to hurt myself or anybody else, and any close friend or relative can vouche for that. Silly Dr.'s have too much time on their hands. Well, anyway, I'm feeling better, just knowing that I'm free. I wish in maybe one way or another that I was still there, though, just to help other people along and talk to them.

Well, anyway, I'm out for today. I hope you can all can stay more sane than I can, heh.

Well, I hope everybody's had a happy Halloween! Mine was kinda crappy, since we couldn't afford candy for the trick-or-treater's, not to mention I had to work that day, but oh well.

Oh, and did I mention that I've quit TCIM? Yep, I've finally severed that tie, hopefully we won't be seeing each other again for a long time (except to pick up my last paycheck, of course). So, anyway, I've been on the job hunt lately with some very professional looking résumé and cover sheets, all nicely tucked away in their own individual folders. Unfortunately, today I was only able to drop one off at the bank here in Detroit. I didn't know thalobbies's shut down at 3:00 PM, and all of my other résumés were for banks, so I'll just have to go before 3:00 PM tomorrow. It was nice talking to the manager, though. He said in his opinion that I was overqualified for a position with them, but unfortunately they're not hiring at the moment. So, I finished my job hunt by going to the other places I applied and checking on the status of the application, but unfortunately there was no luck. Hopefully by the end of the week I'll have a better job.

On a positive note, I've felt better today. Maybe it's just because I'm not thinking about TCIM all the time anymore. Plus, I'll finally be able to really use my leaf blower tomorrow unless it rains, so yay! Kim, however, isn't doing so well; she's getting another ear infection and I think the stress of our lack of money is finally starting to get to her.

And finally, I've started to learn the DVORAK keyboard layout; it's confusing as crap, but hey, it's designed for speed, not to slow you down like QWERTY is. After I learn it, maybe I can break 100 WPM, that would be sweet.

Site of the day: http://www.opera.com/, a browser that looks nicer and is much faster than Internet Explorer, especially with a web filter. Check it out!

Hello, World! Life sucks, doesn't it? Well, nah, can't complain too much, we all have our ups and downs, although it's been a lot of down lately. When you're at the bottom, though, there's nowhere to go but up! I wish I could actually believe everything I say all the time, because you know when you feel bad, you don't always feel like that. Don't get me wrong; I don't feed great, nor do I feel terrible. I'm at that horribly boring in-the-middle area lately, which is a great advance from my past week. So what if I don't have money? I have a job, and I have food. The bills aren't all paid, and they won't for a while, not unless I stick to the budget that I've been working out. This budget even includes getting a savings account, that way if it's not in my pocket, I won't want to spend it, because I'm too lazy to go to the bank. :P I remember my first savings account with Jennifer. It was a good feeling, because I felt older, I guess you could say, to have this savings account, AND a checking account. It wasn't all fun after some auto-withdrawals pushed me over the limit, and now, I have that debt to pay back, but you better believe me I will! Having this house has done wonders to me and my take on bills and life... I never knew I liked gardening or yard work, but it's actually nice when it's you're own yard, not your parents. It's a little late in the season to really do what I want to, but I'm still having fun with it nonetheless. I actually saw a really nice leafblower/vacuum/mulcher at Wal-Mart for about $70 that I'm looking at getting as a birthday present to myself, since nobody else seems to have remembered it. I figured my dad would have at least sent me a card, and it should be hard for him to forget my birthday, since they're so close together. Don't you just love scorpio's?

Hey, let's see what my horoscope is at http://horoscopes.astrology.com/:
If there's no love in your life, draw strength from the memory of a happier time. Prospective home-buyers consider looking into a new neighborhood. Don't let hunger or thirst blind you to what's healthy.

Don't horoscopes always have a funny way of seeming true? It's hard to tell if they really are sometimes true, or just say something that almost anybody could be going through... Oh well, not much to think about, really.

Anyway, it's not like my birthday sucked. Anna gave me $20 to go to China Star, which is one of my all-time favorite restaurants, however I always seem to leave there miserable because I ate too much. Kim and I went there, spending $19.70. Kim secretly talked to the waiter there while I was getting my plate of food about singing happy birthday to me. Let's just say that was the craziest experience I've ever had. Have you ever seen the movie A Christmas Story, where they go to the Chinese restaurant for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, whatever it was? Remember how the Chinese people sang? That's how they sang to me, except the song was right until they said my name. It came out like "jehr-uh-my," and when they said it, I started to feel a little weird, and looked at Kim, who sure enough was thinking the same thing.

Well, anyways, with the addition of the leaf blower, I have my eyes on one other thing, something nobody probably knew I wanted; I myself didn't know I wanted it until I saw it. A Sonicare toothbrush, costing $108. Kim said she'd go in with me half and half to buy it, and I can't wait to have it so I can clean these freaking nasty teeth. Speaking of health, though, I still need my contacts. These glasses suck and I can't stand it.

Well, I guess that's all for now... Stay tuned for the next edition of BlkFury's Life!

It's not been a good week. First of all, Tuesday, Kim's back was still hurting, so she called me at work to pick her up to take her to the minor care clinic at St. Joseph North. Lisa, that idiot supervisor of mine, was rude with her on the phone, then the message that she gave to me was rude. Oh well, nothing I can do about it. So anyway, after I get her to the hospital, the car won't start! The fact that it is sitting on a hospital parking lot isn't good; they'll tow it away. So, after the next day, we call a tow truck to tow it to our house for $30! I also had to fill a prescription for her that cost $38. So then, I have to start driving Mom's old car. When I crank it up, it's sitting on empty, so of course, I have to put gas in it. I've already put $20 into that car because it doesn't get near the gas mileage that our car does. I've had to pull all this money out of rent, so now, on the next paycheck, I'm going to have to pay all of rent, whatever Kim can't pay in electricity, and whatever other bills that come in at the first of the month. Oh yeah... Our refrigerator also died. Half of our food went bad. Mom was supposed to get a washer and dryer for a late wedding present for us, but she's been in the hospital, and now is out of money, so that won't be happening. We have to keep mooching off of Anna, and I feel really bad for it. Kim is also making less money now because Anna can't keep up with her and her own work at the same time. Not to mention last week I only got about 20ish hours, so this is going to be a short paycheck. She's only made about $23 this whole week, and electricity is due, which is about $60, leaving me with the $40 dollars balance remaining. *sigh*

Well, it's a change in time tonight, so that gives me an extra hour of sleep, so that'll be kinda cool. Oh yeah, I've added my Yahoo! Calendar. It's at http://calendar.yahoo.com/jfox1980, check it out.

Welp, see you people later!

Is my frequent blogging better as of late? I hope at least a few people actually read this, as I know some of you do. So, let's talk about today. I talked to Roy, the computer guy at work that I mentioned that last blog is supposed to come pick me up tomorrow to take me golfing (first time, yay, but I know I'll suck), and a 6 pack, and some Linux installation fun.

It seems my last rip, if you remember, of Dreamcatcher, which was so inconveniently cancelled by Michael, so I started it up again today. It'll all be groovy when it's finished. I can't wait to have a 2 CD rip; only the select few movies worth it get the privilege of being on 2 CDs.

Yeah, today sucked, they always do (just kidding). Today was actually pretty nice, but I'm tired of TCIM's crap about one person saying one thing, and another saying another thing. Disorganization will be the death of that place, I'm sure. Well, something else kinda cool has come up. Mike (from TCIM a long time back, I'm sure some of you might remember him), just broke up with his last girlfriend to get with Stephanie, who is my next door neighbor. They look really happy together, and I wish them the best, I just hope they don't have to do through the things I've been through.

Still, I'm under some kind of stress... I wish I could explain it, or even talk to a doctor, but I'm too poor, and can't afford new bills. A simple script for valium or xanax would do fine, I think that would help at work much more than anything else. I don't want stimulants anymore, because I can't stand how ritalin and whatnot makes me feel after like 3 hours, I'd rather just feel less stress with the addition of being more tired or whatever, just for the shortterm, of course. I wouldn't dare get on a script longer than 6 months again, I can't stand looking at myself as a person who needs pills.

Maggie also just had puppies today, 6 to be exact. 1 of them is white. 3 males, 3 females. It's going to be fun to watch these puppies grow up.

Not much left to say, so I'll just catch all of you later! Have a good one, people!

I got my first write-up at work yesterday. In so little time, too. Just because I called in when I was really sick. Man I can't stand that. Plus, the supervisor that wrote me up wouldn't even listen to me. While I was talking to her, she just got up and walked off. I can't stand it. She'll get what she deserves someday, I know I've sure gotten mine lately.

I went to C-Tech today, too. It doesn't look like they've started yet, but it looks like there will be business there. The guy said I needed to bring in a resume, which I'm going to print out today and probably bring back in tomorrow if I get another hour lunch.

Let's see, what else... A new friend of mine who I was in training with is coming by my house on Saturday, so I can go by his house and talk computers with him. He seems to know quite a bit, more than most other people I know, and he doesn't put on a front about how much he knows. I'm sure we'll hit it off pretty well.

I guess that's about it, all and all. Have a good day, everyone.

I was absent today at work. I know, I know, I didn't want to miss. I tried my hardest to go, but let me explain things first. I woke up yesterday at 8:30 AM, which is about an hour earlier than I normally wake up to go to work. Kim went to Anna's for the transcriptioning thing and I went to Wal-Mart to get some things. I found a rake for only $3.97, so I bought it, since I'm such a yardwork freak lately. I also got some envelopes for myself, envelopes for Anna, and a 12 pack of Diet Dr. Peppers for Anna (only $2.50, can't beat that). Got home and was pretty much semi-busy all day long. Michael also rented Dreamcatcher, which I have been dying to see since I read the book. Let's say the book is much better than the movie, but the movie was good too. Only a couple of things were changed, but all-in-all it was nice. As a matter of fact, I'm ripping it right now. We also raked the back yard, and man, lets say there was a bunch of leaves, especially in the corners of the fence. The leaves were so thick that I think that's the reason why the grass wasn't growing. Well, anyway, I'm trailing off here. The reason I didn't go to work is I didn't sleep ANY last night. I tossed and turned and I felt clammy all night. I couldn't sleep a wink. I was still planning on going to work, but however, at 7:00 I could barely keep my eyes open. If you know me, I'm not too good at staying awake while driving after I haven't slept in a long time. Kim insisted that I stay home, so I did. I couldn't find the 800 number to the call-in line at TCIM, so I had to call in at the last minute. I'd rather have called in sooner, but it just wasn't possible. Well, around 8:15 or so, I finally fell asleep, but I woke up at 12:00 noon so I would be able to fall asleep tonight. So yeah, I'm still pretty tired. I don't feel too good either; I'm still clammy and I have cold sweats every now and then, plus my appetite is shot. I feel really bad that I didn't go to work today, but this is one of the few honest days that I just really wasn't able to. Maybe I'll get lucky and they won't write me up. As far as I know, I won't miss any more days, plus we really need the money, and a whole day is a pretty big blow to the finances, but I'll try and cut the 8 hours down a bit by clocking in early and clocking out late throughout the week.

I don't think there's much else... I guess that nice fat paragraph will just have to do for today. :)

Well, I made $487 this check. Not too shabby, but I'm still mega-behind in bills. I still owe $12 to the electric company, I'm paying $61 for water, and when gas comes in, it'll be a minimum of $70 because of all the activation fees and whatnot. I've got about $40 saved for rent, but that'll probably get used up in the next two weeks, meaning on my next paycheck, I'll have to pay $275 again, plus $12 for electricity, then another $70 for gas. Add in a few miscellaneous things like gas for the car and food, and I'll be breaking even again. But, I do have good news. Kim is in training for medical transcriptioning, by my aunt of course. She'll make 6 cents a line, and Anna will make 2 cents for every line they type. So anyway, Kim is at her house right now, and will be for the most part of the day, so that leaves me all alone to do what I please. I guess it'll be Final Fantasy, eh?

Well, back to TCIM, since that seems to be the only thing on my mind right now, anyway. Yesterday was payday, of course, and let me tell you, there must have either been a lot of call-ins or people just weren't scheduled to work. On normal days, we have around 80 - 90 application CSR's staffed, which towers over activation. Well, since there was so few activation people there, many application reps had to take activation calls. Here's the kicker: there only showed to be like 50 staffed in application, which is a loss of 30 people. On normal days, we've had like 30 application reps available and waiting for calls, so what this did is make a hit to that number, and leave us w/ 5 - 10 reps available every time I looked. That meant higher call volume for everybody actually on the floor. I remember when I used to miss a lot. It's easy to tell why TCIM writes you up so easily for missing a day, now. Boy, I was sure irresponsible then. But now, since it's only me working, I have to put in my 40 hours a week. I don't like getting sent home, and I don't plan on missing any days. I've had no writeups yet, so after 3 months, I'm going to apply for whatever new job is posted on the job posting board.

Right now, I'm burning Bulletproof Monk. The Core, which I downloaded a few days ago, looks a little big, so I don't know if I'll be able to burn it or not. If not, I can just split it, perhaps cutting off the credits and intro, but there's usually not many bits in there, anyway. I don't think I want to do a halfway split, because I consider that a waste of a CD. Oh well.

Well, seems TCIM has slowed down. Ever since Sunday, it's been pretty slow. It's been about 300 seconds (five minutes, but our timers count in seconds), which means that if I take 40 calls in a day, that's about one 1 hour 40 minutes a day of just sitting there. I don't mind it being like that, but when it gets exceptionally slow, I get sent home early, which means I'll just work more time on another day, which isn't too fun.

Let's see, what else is new... I beat Final Fantasy 1 of Final Fantasy Origins. Now I'm working on Final Fantasy 2, which is the only Final Fantasy that I've never beaten. I don't like the level system very much, but maybe it'll get better the more I play. Also, right now I'm downloading The Core, but it looks like it's going to take forever. Not enough users sharing it.

Well, that seems to be it for now. Life's been pretty routine, nothing interesting to talk about. Latah.

New day, new blog. Today was probably the easiest day of work that I've had yet, because we were having 600 - 700 seconds between calls. I don't know if it was just a slow Sunday, or because there weren't that many call ins today, or perhaps it was the new training class that just got out. We had 20 - 30+ reps available most of the day, which meant calls were about 10 minutes apart, so basically we were talking 10 minutes, then off the phones 10 minutes. Maybe it'll be slower through the week, I just don't want to get sent home early again. We were sent home 1:15 min early, but I asked if I could stay until my scheduled time. Didn't happen. In the old days when I started at TCIM, I was always looking for days off or to leave home early. I guess I've changed. I sure wish I was at the pay rate I was at then, though, sheesh. Well, with this paycheck, I'm going to have 80 hours and 26 minutes of overtime. It'll be a nice fat check. Too bad I have to pay this last months rent, plus half of next months rent. That'll a big chunk of change!

Well, so anyway, I'm burning They. It might actually be done by now, I'm not sure. I might watch it tonight, or perhaps play some more Final Fantasy. Final Fantasy Origins, to be exact. Part one right now, the oldschool Nintendo game with souped up graphics and a few small alterations. I'm also glad to see some comments coming in for once. In case you don't know, on the left side of this page is a place to sign up if you're so interested in my life that you would like e-mail updates every time I update the blog, which obviously isn't as much as I'd like to, since we don't have an internet connection at the moment.

Remeber the old site-of-the day things that I used to do? Here's a new one: http://www.phonespelling.com/, a funny site that you can use to see what your phone number can spell. Try it out.

I can't believe I haven't blogged since that last blog. So dark and depressing, phew. Glad that's all over with. Well, time to do some catching up. We've made it out of Vic's house, finally. Not like I don't like Vic, as he's one of my best friends, but man, so many people just aren't meant to live together. Well, anyway, Kim and I are living in Detroit again, except this time, it's our own house. We have our own yard, our own fence, driveway, porch, everything. We've kept it up very nicely, too. As a matter of fact, we just finished weed eating today, and I also swept the porch and walkway. If you know me, I've never been big on yardwork, but now that I own it, it's not so dull anymore. The only bad thing about where we're living is our neighbors. On one side of our house where a nice old lady used to live is a house full of people. I'm still not sure who is living there because so many different people are always coming and going. Their back yard is a total mess of metal and junk, and there is a toilet sitting in the front yard. So far, we've mowed 3 times since we've been there. They've mowed once, with a weedeater, so it wasn't all that good. The neighbors across the road are always fighting, but they keep their house up, so they don't much bother me. And of course, diagonally across the street, is my Aunt Anna, who I still call "A-nana."

Well, today, I'm supposed to start training at the Paris Motor Speedway, but I have to get a hold of Jamie somehow. Hopefully I can work tonight so we can buy some food, but the past 3 or 4 times I was supposed to start training, it was either raining or it was too busy up there. I was promised the job by the owner himself since I helped fix their printer that one day. Maybe they'll finally pull through with the promise.

Also, I'm working at TCIM again. I'm in applications now. I used to be in activations, but I did some applications back then too. There aren't many people there that were there then, maybe 10 or so. Not to mention they've also completely changed around both programs, just not the scripts. The activation program now looks like the old application program did, and now in applications, we offer credit protection, which used to be a specific activation program. We also do balance transfers and have the whole 2 rebuttals thing to do, but I don't get cussed out near as much as I used to in activation. I'm also making $2/hr less, but I'll advance in the job, I hope. I haven't missed any days yet, either, which is pretty good. But I have only been working there since the 10th of this month, so that's 17 days. I hope I don't ever have a reason to miss a day.

Kim was talking to me last night about starting a lawsuit against the social workers at the hospitals in Tulsa for grievance and loss of income, plus whatever else we can get them for. If the lawyer thinks the case has a chance to win, he'll take the case for free, then take a portion of our profits. Of course no amount of money will ever replace Celes, but some money sure would help in stabilizing our condition right now. Just one person working at a job at $6.50/hr where you're not guaranteed to get 40 hours a week is quite a gamble at paying bills. However, as soon as I can get my tax transcript from last year, I'll be able to get Kim into college to get her started doing medical transcriptioning. I really wish I could go first, and she did tell me a long time ago that I could go first since I'm older and have wanted to go for a longer time, but she's probably forgotten that, and I won't hold it against her. It does make me a little sad and jealous that she gets to go first, but oh well, I can just stuff my pride.

Anyway, I'm working at ripping a DVD right now. Wes Craven's They, which I haven't even watched all of yet. Gotta return it to get a $1.00 credit! Hehe.

It was another depressing day. I feel bad for not going to Oklahoma with Kim, but I'm just lacking in energy and motivation. Mom told me today that the way she described it was a dark hole that you can't get out of. Well, I'm trying my hardest, and eventually, I'll make it. I don't want to go to a mental hospital because I'd miss my wife and everything, but if I stay home, fewer options are available. We'll be getting out of Vic's house, which is a good thing. We're finally coming closer to our own house and all... I feel so terrible that I'm not helping, but something is holding me back. I don't know what, or why, but it just seems that way. I've messed up so many times previously that it feels like people have no faith in me, and by all means, they shouldn't. In my state, I could do just about anything. Not like killing anybody or anything like that, but I'm just at the end of my rope. I feel caged and I want freed. Well, tomorrow, I have 2 appointments with the MHMR, hopefully all will go good.

I'm also very thankful to Rick for giving us the money to help us out. Rick, if you ever read this, thank you SO much! It means the world to us to be out of that house and on our own. You have given us more than I could ever imagine. Quite possibly more than my father did, so you're like a father to me. I look up to you and respect you. I know you've had rough times too... everybody does... I'm also very sorry for the way things happened between Stoney and I... It must have been a misunderstanding plus his rough day at work. I'm sure his work isn't easy, and I feel for him... Yet, I don't appreciate the way he approached me about food, as it was also confusing, as I didn't know you had talked to Kelly about commodities. I wouldn't have it in me to ever approach anybody in that manner... I don't know what I did wrong or how I should have corrected it, but that's all history now.


To the present, I'm quite unsure of what outcomes may lie ahead. I may go to a hospital, or maybe not. I don't know. Help would be nice, which is what we are receiving. Maybe in a hospital I could catch up on some reading... God knows I need to. Maybe this appointment tomorrow will bring good, who knows. Anything is worth a try at least once.

Today hasn't been a very good day. It's been quite the downer... Reasons why is because of many things; Celes, Vic's rules, the trashy house, lack of jobs, no money. That's just to name a few. Yesterday, I went to the ER about my problems. I was crying and everything, but not because I wanted it to look real, but because it was real. Nonetheless, the Dr... A Dr. by the name of Dr. Rambo just said I was being negative about everything and that I just needed to cheer up. I know enough about psychology to know that that is NOT the thing to say to someone like me. I'm now not only in the dumps, but now I just feel tiny like I just don't know what to do with my life. Worse comes to worse, she said I had 2 options: go to Terrell, or go home with a 1mg Xanax. Of course I chose the xanax, but that's just because I don't want to go to that stinkhole.

I've also done some things that I quite shouldn't have... I regret them now, but isn't that always the case? No number of "I'm sorry's" are ever going to cut it, and it cuts me like a knife. I can't fix it. All I can do is act like it never happened.

However, my biggest horror quite possibly is the dreams of Celes. The feel, the smell, the soft skin... I can still see it all, yet I can't physically touch it in my dream state. I guess I should just toughen up and not think of things like that, because there sure is no positive about this... Not like Dr. Rambo said.

Well, so anyway, tomorrow I have an appointment at the MHMR center tomorrow. I doubt it, but I might actually see a Dr. They don't know how much it would mean to me... Upper, downer, I don't care, I just need to clear my head. I can't do anything really until I get it, and until I get it, I'm stuck at that filthy house. It nothing but a depressing situation. If there were just something I could do, I would, but I can't think of anything. Each passing day seems worse than the prior. I'm getting less and less done, just feeling sorry for myself... I want to talk to somebody, but there isn't anybody, not until I get my appointment set up.

Kim is down with me, but she says things will get better. Of course they will, but this mindless suffering even for a day or two is painful. I can't wait to just get away from it all, get on with my life, and be happy. Shoot, I don't even know if I'll make tomorrow's appointment. My sleep schedules are all screwed up, and my fear of talking on top of that... Good luck to me, I'll certainly need it.

Best of luck to all of you...

Let's see, let's see... Nothing much to say, really, so this is just a minor update. With Kim's last paycheck, she bought a 10-pack of blank CD-R's from Office Max. With these, we've been making rips of DVD's and downloading movies to burn on CD's. We've already got a pretty good collection and it's growing. Right now, I'm downloading Bringing Down the House and Daredevil. A few days ago, I made rips of Final Destination 2 and Tears of the Sun. It takes 1 700MB CD per movie, so that's 4 CD's so far. I've also found a new archiving tool. It's called UHARC. So far, it has beaten .ZIP, .ACE, and .RAR every single time. It's great for fitting a lot onto one cd! :)

We've also found out some more about C-Tech, a new computer company that is coming into town and hiring a lot of people. I'll go and apply there for a job and hopefully get it. With this, if Kim wanted, she could quit so I could work, because I know I'd make more than her. She just isn't getting enough hours at TCIM. That job is a joke. How do they expect to keep workers if they don't even give you a guaranteed 15 hours a week? They've lied about many things to her and it won't stop. They need to figure out what's going on and fix it... It doesn't take a genius to fix these kinds of things.

Welp, so long! That's all I can think to write right now. :P

I'm at Mom's again. This is probably the last time for a while, but who knows. Kim is at work right now; I'm just waiting here until she either calls me to pick her up or until 10:00 PM, when she gets off. Well, anyway, lately Kim, Michael, Justin, and I have been playing Dungeon's and Dragons. It's a roleplaying game I've wanted to play for a long time, since I first found some DnD books that my dad had. It's a game of your imagination where you determine the success of actions with dice. Kim likes it so much that she's writing adventures for it already! I'd have never expected that. I guess RPG's are just addicting. :)

Also, Kim and I got a new dog. A female chihuahua. Her name was Prissy, but we decided to change it to Sasha. Her hair is a little longer than any other chihuahua that I've seen, but I like it. It was actually an early birthday present from Kim.

Hmm... I was also approved by TCIM for the job, they just don't have any hours for me yet. I'm supposed to call next Thursday and see how things are going. Hopefully I'll have the job back so we can start moving on.

Welp, I finished Gravity. It was about two days after that last blog. It was a very good book. It kind of reminds me of Dreamcatcher by Stephen King and Aliens. It was a book that also made you kind of think about life. Well, anyway, today we got a bed. It beats the old air mattress we've been sleeping on. The seams on the air mattress have popped out, making the mattress lumpy. It would make you roll off the mattress in the middle of the night and was quite annoying. Also, Kim seems to be in a really good mood lately. We've been doing more together lately and she seems to enjoy her job more, even though they're sending her home too early too often. If I get the job there, it won't be as bad, but it still won't be perfect. Kim is also happy because this girl at work might give her a chihuahua (if that's how you spell it). It's still a pup, but I think we can give it a good home. We've also got our two cats there too, and they seem to enjoy it. I'm glad we got them, because her dad was going to kill them if we didn't give them another home. Again, we're talking about his greed in money. He's mad because he had to take a pay cut. Oh big woopty doo. He's still making more than Kim and I could both make together, PLUS he gets overtime on top of the 40 hours that Kim and I wouldn't be able to make every week. His heart needs to go into his home and family, not his work and money. At the job he's at, it could be pulled out from under him and he'll be put in our shoes. After his unemployment runs out, I'd like to see how far he could go in OUR shoes. He's always bragging about his money and his labor. Well, enough of that. I'll end this blog here. Have a nice day!

It's me again. I've been reading a book lately, and I'm about 60 pages away from the end (which will take me no time). It's called Gravity by Tess Gerritsen. Here's what it says in the front cover:

Emma Watson, a brilliant research physician, has been training for the mission of a lifetime: to study living beings in space. Jack McCallum, Emma's estranged husband, has shared her dream of space travel, but a medical condition has grounded and embittered him. He must watch from the sidelines as his wife prepares for her first mission to the International Space Station.
Once aboard the space station, however, things start to go terribly wrong. A culture of single-celled organisms known as Archaeons, gathered from the deep sea, is to be monitored in the microgravity of space. The true and lethal nature of this experiment has not been revealed to NASA. In space, the cells rapidly multiply and soon begin to infect the crew -- with agonizing and deadly results.
A recovery attempt ends in catastrophe; the NASA shuttle crashes, and the space station is left dangerously crippled. Emma struggles to contain the deadly microbe, while back home, Jack and NASA work against the clock to retrieve Emma from space.
But there will be no rescue. The contagion now threatens Earth's population as well, and the astronauts are left stranded in orbit, quarantined aboard the station -- where they are dying one by one....

Sound good? It is to me. I can't wait to finish it. Well, anyway, we've got to go now. We're planning on borrowing Mom's Foreman Grill to make some hamburgers and throw around this frisbee thing I bought called an Aerobie. Catch you all later!