Right now I'm on Barbara's computer. Why? Because my computer doesn't have an operating system. Why is that? Because Mom lied and didn't come when she said she would. She does this all the time; she's one of the most unreliable people I know, and if it wasn't for my aunt and the government, she would either be homeless or dead right now. I'm not just venting frustration, this has been a thing long in the making. I just talked to Michael on the net and asked him if they were coming this Saturday like my Mom told me she would, but now she says she doesn't know if she wants to come or not. Oh well, it just leaves me computerless for that many more days. I guess all the time that I did all of those wrong things to her are paying back now, and will probably continue to pay me back until the day one of us dies. The more and more I think about it, the more and more I feel like she uses her mental problems as a crutch. She may seem like she tries to get better by going to the doctor all the time, but hey, the doctors still aren't 100% sure about what they're doing, as depression is still a fairly new subject for doctors. She takes it overboard a lot, too... If she gets a headache, to the doctor she goes. If she gets a paper cut, to the doctor she goes. Almost anything sends her to the doctor. If she could just use her strength more to want to heal herself than using her strength to just rely on other people, she might get somewhere. Then, at least, she could say, "I did everything I could, now I can depend on others." Well, lets just skip the first and jump to the latter, and depend on others. By example, what if Michael mimics her? What kind of person would we have then? But I don't think he'll do that... I think I've mimicked her more than anybody else, but I've stopped the foolishness and decided to push on by myself. I've gotten so much better since then; I'm out from under her wing and, for the most part, have few regrets about anything I've done up to now. But her, what does she have to show? Sickness, misery, need, fear, dependency... The list surely goes on, and she just as easily lets it. There's always a way out of the darkness and into the light, but her, she's turned her back on it, looking into the past constantly, walking backwards into and unknown future. Oh well, there's not anything that I can do about it, I don't guess...