Would anybody care to hear from me again? It has been so long that I hardly remember what or why I was working on this. The humdrum of life is back in effect. It is scorchingly hot outside, yet I am due to start working for DirecTV soon. On one hand, I want the work. On the other, I want to go back to college and finish my degree, which is my true love (my great wife stands first, of course, but my tongue doesn't seem to poetically inclined enough to grace her presence with how I really feel).

Business Information Systems, that is something I enjoy. I live and breathe computers and know them almost too much. Those who know me well know that I know much, but none know how much. The sandwich restaurant that a friend and I took control of the keyboard and mouse of, the security feeds we saw... Yet, I am afraid that I don't know enough about computers to impress my employers.

I have struggled with this for years. I have labored to find somebody to learn from, one who enjoyed being taught as much as I enjoy teaching what I have learned. Of course, I found nobody. I made many friends, but I'm still the shell of what I could have been.

I did have a rather complicated dream recently though. It was quite spectacular, but I can remember little of it. I remember enough to hold a very loose mental diagram, and this diagram showed me just how pathetic I really am. It was my own demon, something that has tormented me for years. However, I began a critical examination of what this demon really was. What else could such a demon do but make me feel less about myself? This was his one and only job, and he has failed.

I've learned that I am kind, and sincere, and love others more than myself. Sometimes I cannot display this like I would like to and dread feeling this way. I am just me, though, like you are just you. Letting myself dwell on it for so long is only hurting myself.

So, tonight, I throw off this armor of sorrow that I have worn for so long and now put on an armor of righteousness, truth, and humility. I will try to explain later.